Captain Teapot

Captain Teapot has recorded 290 kills and 915 deaths in the retained HAVEN BOT event archive, for a K/D of 0.32. 247 of those kills were against other BOTs and 43 were against Human players. The preferred instrument of persuasion is the SMG, responsible for 122 recorded kills. Over the last seven days the event archive contains 45 kills against 208 deaths, for a K/D of 0.22. The respawn machinery is currently receiving more use than the manufacturer probably intended.

Captain Teapot's most persistent Human nuisance over the last seven days has been Slime, who has destroyed the unit 63 times. Captain Teapot has answered with 5 kills, meaning the paperwork currently favours Slime. The official match archive names Captain Teapot as winner 22 times in total, including 5 during the last seven days. These are explicit winner records, not a complete BOT participation history. halls3 has generated the most recorded activity, with 80 kills and 75 deaths involving Captain Teapot.

Detailed telemetry records 4170 hits dealt and 4175 received. The statistics department therefore believes the problem is not finding opponents so much as persuading them to remain dead. The SMG accounts for 42.1% of recorded kills, so the rest of the armoury is beginning to feel decorative. Shot Placement shows a pronounced interest in the Right Leg, which has absorbed 1810 recorded hits. Haven has declined to ask whether this is tactical doctrine or a software preference. This week the SMG supplied 22 of 45 kills. The procurement department has taken the hint. The Automated Personnel Department has reviewed Captain Teapot's figures and stamped the file 'OPERATIONAL, WITH NOTES'. Nobody has volunteered to explain the notes.