Ministry of Enormous Balls

Ministry of Enormous Balls has recorded 442 kills and 1202 deaths in the retained HAVEN BOT event archive, for a K/D of 0.37. 395 of those kills were against other BOTs and 47 were against Human players. The preferred instrument of persuasion is the Pistol, responsible for 182 recorded kills. Over the last seven days the event archive contains 82 kills against 288 deaths, for a K/D of 0.28. The respawn machinery is currently receiving more use than the manufacturer probably intended.

Ministry of Enormous Balls's most persistent Human nuisance over the last seven days has been Slime, who has destroyed the unit 82 times. Ministry of Enormous Balls has answered with 3 kills, meaning the paperwork currently favours Slime. Stacie has been Ministry of Enormous Balls's favourite Human target, having been dispatched 4 times during the same period. The official match archive names Ministry of Enormous Balls as winner 22 times in total, including 2 during the last seven days. These are explicit winner records, not a complete BOT participation history. halls3 has generated the most recorded activity, with 137 kills and 136 deaths involving Ministry of Enormous Balls.

Detailed telemetry records 7377 hits dealt and 7625 received. The statistics department therefore believes the problem is not finding opponents so much as persuading them to remain dead. The Pistol accounts for 41.2% of recorded kills, so the rest of the armoury is beginning to feel decorative. Shot Placement shows a pronounced interest in the Right Leg, which has absorbed 3428 recorded hits. Haven has declined to ask whether this is tactical doctrine or a software preference. Engineering confirms that Ministry of Enormous Balls remains within normal BOT tolerances, although nobody is entirely sure who wrote the tolerances.