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BOT PERSONNEL FILE · BOT PROFILE #02
PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT

The Ministry of Lag

Automated Personnel
BOT Directory
#15
Profile ID
#02
Log Alias
TheMinistryofLag
Record Type
Automated Personnel
OFFICIAL SERVICE RECORD

Combat Record

BOT event telemetry. No Human-style ranked participation record is claimed.
BOT Directory Rank
#15
Ordered by recorded kill events.
Recorded Kills
434
Detailed BOT kill-event archive.
Recorded Deaths
888
Detailed BOT death-event archive.
K/D
0.49
Recorded kill events divided by recorded deaths.
Headshots
8
Recorded kill-event headshots.
Headshot Rate
1.84%
Share of recorded kills marked as headshots.
Hits Dealt
6,924
Retained BOT-involved hit telemetry.
Hits Received
5,679
Retained BOT-involved hit telemetry.
ARMOURY RECORD

Recorded Weapons

Recorded BOT kill events by weapon. Favourite: pistol.
# Weapon Kills Headshots Avg Distance
1
pistol
187 0 772 units
2
smg1
167 6 395 units
3
crossbow_bolt
21 0 1,345 units
4
ar2
20 2 384 units
5
combine_ball
8 0 398 units
6
grenade_frag
7 0 826 units
7
physics
7 0 446 units
8
smg1_grenade
6 0 295 units
9
shotgun
5 0 321 units
10
357
2 0 490 units
11
crowbar
2 0 69 units
12
rpg_missile
1 0 613 units
13
stunstick
1 0 32 units
CARTOGRAPHY RECORD

Recorded Map Activity

BOT telemetry grouped by recorded map. Most active: halls3.
Map Kills Deaths Hits Damage
halls3
114 114 1,823 12,234
dm_zest
50 53 706 5,641
dm_grawler
36 60 589 4,184
dm_lockdown_reloaded
30 24 390 4,175
dm_snarkpit
23 18 217 2,698
dm_lockdown
22 43 177 2,120
dm_rapidfire
18 17 210 3,528
dm_construction
17 17 267 1,944
dm_forest_of_pain_final
14 34 82 4,726
dm_minecart
10 30 277 1,485
dm_underpass
7 14 0 0
dm_backwash2
6 26 123 774
dm_avalon_b1
6 7 109 678
dm_crossfire_source
5 7 101 704
dm_cloudcity
5 2 91 567
dm_value
5 8 28 1,858
dm_steamlab
5 20 18 106
dm_ancient_ob_1
4 35 170 865
dm_crossfire_final
4 7 104 896
dm_outlying_v2
4 19 66 400
dm_aim_arena_reportaled_r7
4 2 52 416
dm_resistance
4 3 0 0
dm_albatross_b03
3 8 99 666
dm_sniper_traps_v2
3 25 91 512
dm_coax_ot
3 18 64 769
dm_overwatch_final
3 1 42 303
cll_jaeger_06
3 14 32 788
dm_swamplight_final
2 30 170 1,021
dm_snipe_deathtoll_v2
2 30 88 474
dm_castigate
2 6 60 517
dm_boot_camp
2 13 53 298
dm_overwatch_phat_ruin
2 6 50 292
dm_ultimate_lobby
2 1 34 206
dm_dod_campazzo_bm
1 20 120 620
dm_stad
1 13 56 307
dm_sniper_grizeg_v6
1 7 47 313
dm_snipe_bunkergrass2
1 0 30 180
dm_bunker42_vfinale_fixed
1 5 22 137
dm_datacore
1 3 22 110
dm_overwatch_winter
1 0 21 144
dm_overwatch
1 1 15 139
dm_sniper_sunset_v2
1 1 15 120
1eedeev_nwottsohg_skcor
1 1 13 104
dm_boogymans_funpark
1 14 13 104
dm_studyroomx
1 1 13 98
dm_alcys_c17
1 0 0 0
dm_powerhouse
1 0 0 0
dm_dod_desert_sniper_bm
0 19 42 223
dm_urban_small
0 13 29 150
dm_fort_paradise
0 13 27 175
dm_sniper_delta_prime_v5
0 18 26 336
dm_runoff
0 12 15 99
dm_snipers_tropic_kbs
0 12 8 50
dm_airfield_kbs
0 3 3 25
dm_campgrounds_r2
0 1 2 12
dm_xbow_chaos_v2
0 8 2 10
020511
0 3 0 0
cok_vampire_v1
0 1 0 0
dm_battleyard_v4
0 1 0 0
dm_cottage_beta2
0 1 0 0
dm_kybos_sniper_valley_bm
0 5 0 0
INTERNAL MEMO

Haven Field Report

Deterministic assessment generated from recorded HAVEN statistics.

The Ministry of Lag has recorded 434 kills and 888 deaths in the retained HAVEN BOT event archive, for a K/D of 0.49. 402 of those kills were against other BOTs and 32 were against Human players. The preferred instrument of persuasion is the Pistol, responsible for 187 recorded kills. Over the last seven days the event archive contains 113 kills against 242 deaths, for a K/D of 0.47. The respawn machinery is currently receiving more use than the manufacturer probably intended.

The Ministry of Lag's most persistent Human nuisance over the last seven days has been Slime, who has destroyed the unit 66 times. The Ministry of Lag has answered with 6 kills, meaning the paperwork currently favours Slime. The official match archive names The Ministry of Lag as winner 29 times in total, including 6 during the last seven days. These are explicit winner records, not a complete BOT participation history. halls3 has generated the most recorded activity, with 114 kills and 114 deaths involving The Ministry of Lag.

Detailed telemetry records 6924 hits dealt and 5679 received. The statistics department therefore believes the problem is not finding opponents so much as persuading them to remain dead. The Pistol accounts for 43.1% of recorded kills, so the rest of the armoury is beginning to feel decorative. Shot Placement shows a pronounced interest in the Right Leg, which has absorbed 3153 recorded hits. Haven has declined to ask whether this is tactical doctrine or a software preference. This week the Pistol supplied 67 of 113 kills. The procurement department has taken the hint. The Automated Personnel Department has reviewed The Ministry of Lag's figures and stamped the file 'OPERATIONAL, WITH NOTES'. Nobody has volunteered to explain the notes.

RECENT OPERATIONS

Recent Recorded Victories

Match-result records naming this BOT as winner. This is not a complete BOT participation history.
Ended Map Result Winner Frags Rank State End Reason
26 Oct 2026 10:09 dm_avalon_b1 WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
26 Oct 2026 08:08 dm_value WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
25 Oct 2026 22:23 dm_zest WIN 16 RANKED timelimit
25 Oct 2026 11:15 dm_cloudcity WIN 2 RANKED timelimit
24 Oct 2026 20:33 dm_grawler WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
24 Oct 2026 05:57 dm_lockdown_reloaded WIN 9 RANKED timelimit
21 Oct 2026 05:55 dm_value WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
18 Oct 2026 13:29 dm_aim_arena_reportaled_r7 WIN 4 RANKED timelimit
15 Oct 2026 22:05 dm_snipe_bunkergrass2 WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
12 Oct 2026 05:37 dm_lockdown_reloaded WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
RECORDED DISTANCE TELEMETRY

Personal Records

Longest and shortest successful recorded kills.
Longest Recorded Kill
45.57 m
Crossbow Bolt

vs SirReginaldPigeon · dm_forest_of_pain_final
Recorded 2026-10-14
Shortest Recorded Kill
0.61 m
Stunstick

vs Brian'sSpareSandal · dm_lockdown_reloaded
Recorded 2026-09-25

Distance Records by Weapon

Weapon Longest Shortest Kills measured
.357 Magnum
 9.59 m 9.09 m 2
AR2
 15.38 m 0.64 m 20
Combine Ball
 11.93 m 3.38 m 8
Crossbow Bolt
 45.57 m 14.39 m 21
Crowbar
 1.57 m 1.08 m 2
Grenade
 28.92 m 3.06 m 7
Physics
 19.32 m 3.05 m 7
Pistol
 26.50 m 2.70 m 187
Rpg Missile
 11.67 m 11.67 m 1
Shotgun
 12.57 m 1.31 m 5
SMG1
 23.34 m 0.71 m 167
Smg1 Grenade
 9.62 m 0.75 m 6
Stunstick
 0.61 m 0.61 m 1
Distances are retained internally in Source units and displayed here as approximate metres using 52.4934 Source units per metre. Missing, zero and self-kill distances are excluded. Measured opponent kills: 434.