Derek the Unready

Derek the Unready has recorded 416 kills and 1114 deaths in the retained HAVEN BOT event archive, for a K/D of 0.37. 377 of those kills were against other BOTs and 39 were against Human players. The preferred instrument of persuasion is the SMG, responsible for 180 recorded kills. Over the last seven days the event archive contains 66 kills against 198 deaths, for a K/D of 0.33. The respawn machinery is currently receiving more use than the manufacturer probably intended.

Derek the Unready's most persistent Human nuisance over the last seven days has been Slime, who has destroyed the unit 57 times. Derek the Unready has answered with 2 kills, meaning the paperwork currently favours Slime. The official match archive names Derek the Unready as winner 25 times in total, including 4 during the last seven days. These are explicit winner records, not a complete BOT participation history. halls3 has generated the most recorded activity, with 157 kills and 177 deaths involving Derek the Unready.

Detailed telemetry records 6558 hits dealt and 6526 received. The statistics department therefore believes the problem is not finding opponents so much as persuading them to remain dead. The SMG accounts for 43.3% of recorded kills, so the rest of the armoury is beginning to feel decorative. Shot Placement shows a pronounced interest in the Right Leg, which has absorbed 3065 recorded hits. Haven has declined to ask whether this is tactical doctrine or a software preference. This week the Pistol supplied 43 of 66 kills. The procurement department has taken the hint. The Automated Personnel Department has reviewed Derek the Unready's figures and stamped the file 'OPERATIONAL, WITH NOTES'. Nobody has volunteered to explain the notes.