Admiral Turnip

Admiral Turnip has recorded 392 kills and 956 deaths in the retained HAVEN BOT event archive, for a K/D of 0.41. 337 of those kills were against other BOTs and 55 were against Human players. The preferred instrument of persuasion is the Pistol, responsible for 178 recorded kills. Over the last seven days the event archive contains 109 kills against 225 deaths, for a K/D of 0.48. The respawn machinery is currently receiving more use than the manufacturer probably intended.

Admiral Turnip's most persistent Human nuisance over the last seven days has been Slime, who has destroyed the unit 40 times. Admiral Turnip has answered with 1 kills, meaning the paperwork currently favours Slime. Monkey has been Admiral Turnip's favourite Human target, having been dispatched 4 times during the same period. The official match archive names Admiral Turnip as winner 31 times in total, including 4 during the last seven days. These are explicit winner records, not a complete BOT participation history. dm_zest has generated the most recorded activity, with 103 kills and 121 deaths involving Admiral Turnip.

Detailed telemetry records 5341 hits dealt and 5326 received. The statistics department therefore believes the problem is not finding opponents so much as persuading them to remain dead. The Pistol accounts for 45.4% of recorded kills, so the rest of the armoury is beginning to feel decorative. Shot Placement shows a pronounced interest in the Right Leg, which has absorbed 2356 recorded hits. Haven has declined to ask whether this is tactical doctrine or a software preference. This week the Pistol supplied 61 of 109 kills. The procurement department has taken the hint. A committee briefly considered promoting Admiral Turnip. The proposal was returned after somebody noticed the repair bill.